The Institute for Advanced Developement | Dr. Larry Iverson | Strategies for Success | Creating Exceptional Health, Happiness, Relationships and Wealth
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Negative Self-Talk Eliminator

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Defuse Situational Conflict with a Thank You!


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I’ve Only Got Three Nerves Left – And You Are Pinching Two Of Them (Part 14)

(…continued from last week)

Don’t Try to Change Them

Don’t try to change their mind. Don’t try and control them.

They have a right to their opinions. Even if they’re wrong, they have a right to their opinions.

If you try and force them to change, you give them power. Don’t keep justifying it, don’t keep explaining, don’t keep arguing endlessly until they agree with you. Just acknowledge and let it go.

They may never agree with you. They don’t have to. You don’t need them to. You just need to deal with the situation honestly and let them think their thoughts.
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Don’t Demand Perfection and Don’t Give Excuses!


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I’ve Only Got Three Nerves Left – And You Are Pinching Two Of Them (Part 13)

(…continued from last week)

Don’t Demand Perfection

Also, don’t demand perfection. Most people aren’t all that great at providing negative feedback.

One option is to demand that every single little piece of input from them is perfect in each detail. Quite often when you receive this input there may be a grain of truth in it. Well, you want to find that grain of truth. Of course we don’t particularly like to hear the negativity, but if there’s truth in it, we need to get that. It can be of significant benefit.
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Healthy Reactions To Criticism – How Do You Handle Feedback?


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I’ve Only Got Three Nerves Left – And You Are Pinching Two Of Them (Part 12)

(…continued from last week)

Strategies for Managing the Critic

There are many components to managing or coping with criticism. Sometimes it’s directly standing in there and dealing with it. Sometimes it’s diffusing it. Sometimes it is finding a way to move away from it.

There are various strategies for dealing with this negative feedback that comes in from others. What works best for someone else may not work well for you at all.

In order for any of these methods for handling this externally received negativity to work well, they must be practiced. Overviewing these one time is not going to help you. Repetition of usage is what you have to do.
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Dealing with Direct and Indirect Criticism – How Do You Handle Negative Feedback?


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I’ve Only Got Three Nerves Left – And You Are Pinching Two Of Them (Part 10)

(…continued from last week)

Hostile Criticism

The third type of negativity or this negative input you can receive is hostile.

In this case this criticism and negative feedback is encased in aggression. Unlike the non-verbal and the indirect, this aggressive content is very obvious and open.

People may invade your space, they may tower over you, they give you strong negative or hostile looks, they may take on an aggressive posture towards you. They may talk louder, they may attempt to stare you down, it could be something like blaming, “You are terrible, you’re a bungler, you keep blowing this!” Direct hostility.
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How Do You Handle Your Negative Feedback?


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I’ve Only Got Three Nerves Left – And You Are Pinching Two Of Them (Part 9)

(…continued from last week)

You Can Gain

Martin Luther King said, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

When that crabby individual tries to latch on to you with their claws, you need to get hold of you.

Negative feedback, negative input can be really hard to figure-out because you may not have any idea where in the heck it’s coming from, just that it’s happening. Responding with personal control and appropriate rational comments can be very difficult to do at times.
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How You Can Overcome the Four Kinds of Conflict!


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I’ve Only Got Three Nerves Left – And You Are Pinching Two Of Them (Part 8)

(…continued from last week)

The Four Kinds of Conflict

There are four primary kinds of conflict that you can experience with someone: 1) conflict of roles and responsibilities, 2) goals and needs, 3) values and beliefs, and 4) perceptions and point-of-view.

Conflict of roles and responsibilities is about who has the power, who is in authority, who’s territory is this, who has the upper hand, who has the knowledge, what are they trying to do, what is their role in this situation?
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Be Tenacious! Don’t Surrender to Conflict and Criticism!


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I’ve Only Got Three Nerves Left – And You Are Pinching Two Of Them (Part 7)

(…continued from last week)

Person vs. Problem

Another thing you can do is really try and separate the person from the problem. Separate the future from past interactions. Separate positions from interests.

You strive to clarify what’s going on between you and them so that you don’t make them the problem. You don’t link up something that’s happened in the past with what’s coming in the future. You maintain your awareness right here and now.

Strategize

Another thing that is a key to making things begin to work and managing the situation is brainstorming. Brainstorm the potential solutions to the conflict. Listen carefully and see if you can compile as big a list as you can possibly come up with for alternative ways you can manage the situation that works for both you and for them.
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Clear Your Mind and Remain Calm During Conflict and Criticism


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I’ve Only Got Three Nerves Left – And You Are Pinching Two Of Them (Part 6)

(…continued from last week)

Learning In Conflict

What is the only thing in your life that you can truly control? You, right?

This negative input, this rubbing you the wrong way, this pinching your last nerves, can be used as a source of learning. Every single situation you encounter has richness in positive and negative potential.

It can be a source of tangible or intangible gain, inspiration, enlightenment, learning, growth; or that situation can cause rage, fear, shame, entrapment, resistance. The choice is really not up to the people we’re interacting with but it’s up to each of us as individuals and our willingness to face and work through the situation.
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