Ever heard of “constructive criticism”? It doesn’t exist. Constructive means building up. The definition of criticism is: “To find fault with; to judge with severity; to blame, reprehend or condemn.”

Here is a strategy I developed years ago to give “constructive direction” or “constructive feedback” to another. We all need feedback, and it can be helpful or damaging.

Using this formula your input will be better received. Whether you are giving feedback to your children, employees, golf buddies or boss, this will assist in giving the message in a way they can hear what you are saying. This process reduces defensiveness in others because of improved communications.

Here’s the “Constructive Direction” formula:

1. Tell Them the Constructive Purpose of Your Input.

State the purpose for your discussion. Let them know specifically why you want to talk with them, and what it’s about. State the objective that you’d like to cover and why it’s important. Some openers for this purpose could be:

“I want to discuss….”
“I have concerns about….”
“I think it’s important to let you know….”
“Let’s get together so we can overview….”
“I’d like to give you feedback on….”
“Let’s discuss time-frames for….”

2. Describe the Specifics of Your Observations.

Don’t give the person analogies or metaphors to begin a discussion (though later to make a point it might be helpful.) Tell them specifically what you are observing of them, the process, the goal and the progress.

This lets them know exactly what you are talking about. Avoid getting into rumors and other’s opinions. Stick with observable, documentable and specific actions or statements.

3. State Your Experience of What You’ve Observed.

After you’ve specifically and accurately stated your observations, tell them what you think about what you’ve observed. Describe for them the consequences you are observing and where you see this leading. Let them know also how you feel about it. (This is not a “get it off your chest” session.) Let them know how this affects you, them and the other team members. (Remember, be tactful.)

4. Make an Opening for Them to Respond.

Give them the opportunity to respond to what you have said. This allows them to have input, shows you value their thoughts, and gives them an opportunity to maintain their self-esteem through responding. This also lets you check for misunderstanding or misperception of what you’ve said.

After your input, you can remain silent and wait for a response, or you can prompt through open-ended questions like,
“What do you think?”
“What’re your thoughts about this situation?”
“Do you have any questions or input?”
“Tell me, what’s your reaction to this?”

After they give input, you could also give them the opportunity to suggest course corrections, “Do you have any ideas on next steps?” “What do you think might be reasonable alternatives?”

5. Give Them Specific Suggestions and Direction.

Direction and feedback aren’t really constructive if they are criticizing. Remember, your purpose is to make things better. This allows the person who isn’t performing up to par to improve and grow, and the person who is meeting performance or partnering expectations to excel and achieve even more.

Give them practical, feasible suggestions and examples that can enhance their, your, the project’s chances for success. Don’t just wing-it! Have concrete strategies for them before you begin. If other ideas come while you work with them that’s great. But be prepared.

6. Summarize the Discussion and Give Support.

By summarizing you can avoid misunderstandings and make sure your message and suggestions were clear, and the other person’s perspective and responsibilities are correctly understood.

You can also check for buy-in to the implementation, and the action plan. Be sure to review your major points and input given (yours and theirs) on how things can be changed for the better or done differently. Always end on a positive note by expressing confidence in them, the process and a positive outcome.

Use the Constructive Direction formula. It will rapidly make you a much more effective feedback communicator.

Make Today A Great Day, Dr. Larry

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