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The Essentials to Dealing with Difficult People and Tough Situations (Part 6)

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(…continued from last week)

The Difference in People

One of the things that we can do to be more effective in dealing with other people is to understand their style. People react differently.

You can say the exact same words in the exact same tone and manner to several people and get many different reactions. To communicate and lead effectively, to deal with another person, to manage a conflict situation or a difficult person, you need to vary your manner to be maximally effective in dealing with different people.

There are four different styles of individuals you’ll deal with. There’s the demanding person, there’s the relationship oriented person, there’s the steady person and there’s the perfectionist. When you’re dealing with a difficult person, no matter what their style is, the better you understand them, the more likely it is you’re going to move through the conflict. So let’s look at each of these styles.

Demanding Style Person

The demanding person is by far the most vocal individual you’re going to interact with. When things go according to their expectations they will be the first one to accept an answer from someone trying to help or lead them or move through a conflict. Yet, if their opinion is that the action or the information is wrong, or done incorrectly, or if they feel challenged, or if they feel discounted, they will be the very first one to engage you in an argument and be a stubborn, difficult person.

If they don’t argue, they will at least stonewall you covertly; they will do things to submarine you without your knowledge. Research has shown that about 18% of the population exhibits the characteristics of a demanding person. The demanding person is bottom-line oriented, they do not like a lot of detail and they get bored. If you are dealing with a demanding person and you give them a long-winded technical explanation you’re going to lose them. They don’t want all those details, they want the big picture.

Do’s and Don’ts of Dealing with a Demanding Person

Here are some of the do’s and don’ts of communicating with this type of person.

Do be clear and specific, get to the point. Be prepared, be well organized. You also need to make certain that you stick to business and present the facts that you have logically. When they are acting as a difficult person, you need to take issue only with facts that are disputable. Unless you have the facts, unless you know for certain that something is a specific way, don’t get into it with them because they will dig in their heels and go against you. You want to make sure that you’re providing options.

Some of the don’ts of dealing with a demanding person are; don’t waste their time, don’t give them a million details that they’re not going to use. Also, if they come up and make some grandiose statement in a conflict with you, don’t get into a debate with them. Doing that forces the issue and is only going to escalate it. The demanding person will stand and go toe to toe with you, they like competition normally. Do not personalize the issue or take personally what’s going on, it doesn’t necessarily have to do with you, it has to do with them wanting to have their perspective heard.

Relationship Focused Style

The second kind of person is the relationship oriented person. Relationship oriented people are the ones who want to talk, this person has a need for interaction, they like people, they’re optimistic, inspiring, happy, they want to approach others, they want to engage them. They have a smile; they’re warm and pleasant to the majority of people they interact with.

Research shows that 28% of the population exhibits the characteristics of a relationship oriented person. They work best with those people who are also pleasant. They want their problems resolved, or they want to do their job, but they want to move through it as quickly and as easily as possible. If this person is being difficult it’s because something has upset the relationship. You need to find out what the bottom line is for them and move into it.

The relationship oriented person isn’t usually a big fan of voicemail or e-mail, they are somebody who likes to see people face-to-face, or talk in person whenever possible.

Do’s and Don’ts of Dealing with Relationship Oriented

Some of the do’s and don’ts of dealing with them are “do” allow time for interaction with them, if they’re having a hard time, if something is going on, make certain you give them some time.

Ask for their ideas, ask for their input, provide ideas yourself and make certain that they know that you see value in them, be engaging, you can lead them in a positive manner, if you build that relationship and rapport. Make certain also, with this relationship oriented person, that you’re stimulating, that you’re engaging, that you have some passion.

Also with the relationship oriented person, don’t be curt, don’t be impersonal, don’t be negative, and don’t talk down to them. If they are being difficult for whatever reason, make sure you use the person-to-person interaction to deal effectively with them and the situation.

Steady Style Individuals

The third style of individual is the steady person. The steady person is an accommodating individual. This person really wants to keep things smooth, they don’t want to be upset, they don’t want to complain and if they do complain, they’re not rocking the boat; something really has to push them to finally come out and say what they’re saying. They will get distressed by change, especially if you don’t clearly define it, let them know step-by-step exactly what’s going on.

The steady person wants to see the plan, they want the solution to be logical, they want to see things work out, but they like things very much the way they have been. Research shows that 40% of the population has characteristics of the steady person. When they dig in their heels, the reason is because change has happened too fast.

Do’s and Don’ts of Dealing with the Steady Person

Some of the do’s of dealing with them are, do show interest, do listen to what they have to say and be responsive to it. Steady people like to make sure that you understand their perspective. Ask them questions, provide assurances, guarantees. Give the steady person time to think about what’s going on.

Some of the don’ts of dealing with them; don’t rush right into business, take a moment to make certain that you understand their perspective, don’t force a quick response, they like to take their time. If you act in an abrupt or hurried manner, it’s going to cause difficulties with the steady person, make sure that when you’re talking, you don’t interrupt them.

Interrupting the steady person basically says to them that what they have to say doesn’t matter. Also give them time to think, they don’t want to rush into an immediate decision. Change for the steady person is a big deal, watch out on how you approach change.

Perfectionist Style Person

The fourth type of person is the perfectionist. The perfectionist is just that, it’s your good old everyday perfectionist. They want things precise, well ordered, accurate. They’re meticulous, if you’re going to work, or lead, or manage them, you should be armed with all the facts, the figures and supporting data. They want all of the T’s crossed and the I’s dotted before they’re going to accept your ideas.

Perfectionists are absolute stickler for following the rules and if they become difficult it’s because one of the rules was broken. Research suggests that 14% of the population exhibit the characteristics of a perfectionist. If you try to cut corners with this person in the service or in the way you do what you do, the perfectionist will spot you a mile away and you will have conflict.

Do’s and Don’ts of Dealing with the Perfectionist

Some of the do’s of dealing with the perfectionist are; be prepared, have a step-by-step plan, have data, statistics, facts at your disposal. Be straightforward, try and look at all sides of the situation, but make certain you have specifics that you can talk about, that they can see, that you can discuss with them.

Some of the don’ts of dealing with the perfectionist person are, don’t be disorganized, don’t be overly casual or informal, it sets them off. Don’t force a quick decision, this person wants the data, wants the statistics, they want time to take a look at it. Don’t be vague. Make certain also that if you make a commitment to them, that you follow through, and when you do make a commitment, make certain that if anything changes you let them know immediately. Because once again, this individual is your everyday perfectionist and they want things in neat, tidy order and they want it now.

Recognizing these different styles will make dealing with these types of difficult people easier. Pay attention to the people you’re interacting with, see if you can figure out what their styles are. No one is only a perfectionist, or only a steady person, or a demanding person, or a relationship oriented person. We are all a little bit of each, but each person has a prominent style. When you can recognize what their style is, it gives you a leg up on your ability to manage the conflicts and deal with the demands they have when they become difficult.

(to be continued…)


Has this program caught your interest? Just can’t wait to hear the next segment? Or perhaps you’d like to download the entire program to your phone or tablet and listen during your travels? You can purchase and immediately receive this entire program as a digital download. You will receive all 8 audio segments, plus a 29 page PDF transcript! Order Now: The Essentials to Dealing with Difficult People and Tough Situations