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Finessing How You Communicate (Part 3)

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(…continued from last week)

Paying attention to how others form speech patterns then matching the pattern gives you an edge. If you aren’t aware of how you and others sound, you’ll certainly rub some people the wrong way. That can have a major impact to your possible future business dealings, your income, your ability to create long lasting relationships Your ability to lead and manage will be affected.

Psychology of Nonverbals
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Pacing Builds Professionalism

When we are listening to a professional speaker it looks as though their voice instrument is a very simple matter, but in fact it’s quite complex. If you’ve ever heard a professional speaker like Zig Ziglar, Dr. Wayne Dyer, General Colin Powell, the reverend Jesse Jackson, you’ll have noticed that the audiences are enraptured with their delivery and their message. These speakers are masterful in their ability to use their voice to create rapport.

They speed it up or slow it down in their delivery style depending on the point being made; their voice grows louder or softer as needed for effect. They pause to drive a point home, they let it sink it, and then they pick up and move on. It looks so easy because they have countless hours of practice in delivering their messages.

You don’t have to have thousands of hours of lecturing to acquire the essential skills of pacing. Pay attention to how others speak, be aware of your own speaking style and then try and match your style to one similar to what the person in front of you is using.

Relax Into Connecting

A few quotes I’ve heard that pertain to communication development are, Thomas Jefferson, “The best time to plant an oak tree is 25 years ago; the second best time is today.”

Charles Kuralt said, “It takes an earthquake to remind us we walk on the crust of an unfinished planet and so it is with each of us.”

Winston Churchill said, “Every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it, autograph your work with excellence.”

Albert Einstein said, “Life is like riding a bicycle, to keep your balance you must keep moving.”

There are many different ways to match the people we are interacting with. One of the ways you can match someone is in the way that they are breathing.

If you observe two people who have rapport and are actively engaged in a conversation, you will see quite frequently that they are breathing in a similar way. When you watch them closely you will notice that they have peaks and valleys in their conversation. Often during the closure of a thought you may notice they even take a deep breath at the same time. If the conversation is highly animated, they are normally both breathing faster, if it’s a relaxed but involved discussion, they breathe more slowly. Research shows it is very common that the times when rapport is high during a conversation the two will even be taking the same number of breaths per minute and nearly breathing in sync.

You can use this type of pacing with someone to enhance rapport. For instance, if the person you are talking with takes a deep breath, you could take a deep breath shortly after or you might stretch a bit in time with their deep breath or you could very slightly nod in a rhythm with their breathing. This is nearly an imperceptible mirroring or pacing that you can do that gets you in sync with them. To breathe consciously at the same pace as the other person can be beneficial for your own awareness; this sharpens your senses for what they are doing.

Breathing synchronously is picked up by the personal subconscious as a signal that we are similar. The subtle rise and fall of the chest and rise and peripherally by us all, we just don’t pay conscious attention to it.

Pacing for Calmness

When my daughter was a baby she’d often awaken at night, but then go back to sleep right away, but when she was about 2 years old she developed a pattern of having a hard time falling asleep. We’d hear noise coming from the room on the baby monitor. She’d roll around in bed and often she’d stand up. My wife or I would go in through the process of getting her back in bed. If she was extremely tired she’d become fussy and at times rocking her helped, but there was no magic wand we could find to break this restless pattern. One night while holding her in my arms rocking her before putting her back down to bed, I decided to pace her breathing with rocking and the speed of my own breath.

Now I couldn’t breathe at the same rate she was for very long, I wouldn’t get enough oxygen. I could breathe in rhythm with her if I breathe slower and deeper so every other breath my inhalation timed with her in breath. I’d breathe at her rate for a few minutes then over 5 minutes or so, I’d slow my breathing and I’d slow the speed of rocking to match it. This type of breathing pace and rocking pace worked absolutely wonderfully. It would relax her and quite rapidly she would drop off to sleep.

The process times nearly put me to sleep and sometimes I even dozed off in the process as well. What I did was to use this “cross-over pacing” process to match her breathing to help her drop off and relax.

(to be continued…)


Has this program caught your interest? Just can’t wait to hear the next segment? Or perhaps you’d like to download the entire program to your phone or tablet and listen during your travels? You can purchase and immediately receive this entire program as a digital download. You will receive all 8 audio segments, plus a 20 page PDF transcript! Order Now: Finessing How You Communicate

The Psychology of Nonverbals
Becoming an exceptional communicator is a learned skill. Would knowing how to influence others to take action be of benefit to you? Do people ever misunderstand what you say? You can end that now. Learn the psychology of nonverbal language. Since over 90% of communication meaning is not from the words themselves, make your vocabulary work even better through applying the power of the 9 core aspects of nonverbals. Psychologist, trainer and author Dr. Larry Iverson will guide you through exactly how to use these proven communication strategies, in this “Psychology of Nonverbal Vocabulary” training session.