(continued from last week…)

Persecutor, Victim & Rescuer

Another thing people tend to get stuck in is the role of being a victim. There are people who truly are victims. They have things happen to them which are way beyond their control that they are powerless to stop, traumas that happen, abuse that they experience, and so on.

Some are victimized. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about an emotional perspective of ‘I feel like a victim’.

Dr Eric Berne, the founder of Transactional Analysis, talked about what’s called the ‘Drama Triangle’. In the drama triangle there is a persecutor, a victim and a rescuer.

The persecutor is someone who’s bigger, stronger, more powerful, and is often a bully, cruel or mean person. That person puts you down, picks on you, blames you, abuses you, does bad things to you in some way and you feel out of control. It makes you ‘feel’ like a victim.

The victim in many cases feels smaller, helpless to defend against that which they are being attacked for. If you think about back in grade school, some little kid who is getting picked on by a big bully, what does that little kid want? They want somebody who is bigger, stronger, and more powerful than the bully to come along and rescue them. A teacher, a parent, a friend who’s big and strong and powerful. Someone to come along and rescue them from the bully that’s picking on them.

Well, that is what the victim feels like in this situation. There’s a persecutor who’s picking on them, so they feel like a victim. And they’re waiting for someone to rescue them. But when we’re an adult, who really is the only person that can rescue you? Well it’s you of course. Right?

If you are in an abusive situation, you need to rescue you from that situation and move on. If you’re in a situation where you have lack of control, you are doing things that other people want you to do but it doesn’t really work for you, but you’re doing them because you’re stuck in that situation – you need to find a way to get you out of it.

Break-Out Of The Victim Position

Feeling like a victim, tends to make you powerless, tends you usurp your power and make you feel bad.

One of the things that we have to do to begin breaking that cycle of being a victim or feeling like a victim is:

First: We need to stop blaming the people who it feels like are persecuting us, and begin to think about what action we are going to take or not take. Because it’s always going to be up to us whether we take action or do something about it.

Secondly: Stop complaining about it! Don’t complain to other people, you’re talking to the wrong person. Talk to the person who’s persecuting you. Or talk to yourself about it. Or manage it in some way. But quit complaining to other people–it doesn’t really help you, doesn’t help them and it only makes you feel bad.

No one really wants to hear your victim story anyway. Some people will commiserate with you, but that really doesn’t help you. There are certain people who will assist you because they love you and care about you. There are counsellors that can assist you in moving through your process of being in the victim role. But even therapists don’t really want to hear you just whine and complain. They want to hear what you’re going to do, or assist you in figuring out what to do, to take action and move beyond the victim position you currently occupy.

So Thirdly, you need to decide what you can do to break free of that situation. Create and action plan and begin to move on it. If you do this, if you have this type of experience your life, become much more conscious. Your life becomes much easier to live.

If you keep thinking you’re a victim, no matter how good your reasons or rationalizations are for thinking that, it’s not going to go away. You have ‘stuff’ in the process of being a victim. The other involved in it has ‘stuff’ in his or her role of persecutor.

Perhaps you are being victimized in some way. But you need to decide what you need to do to rescue yourself. It doesn’t matter if it’s your boss. I don’t care if it’s your spouse, your children or your best friend. (If it’s your best friend, you may want to get a new best friend.) It doesn’t matter where this is coming from. You need to decide what you’re going to do and you need to begin moving you!

(to be continued…)

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