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Negative Self-Talk Eliminator

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How Do You Handle Your Negative Feedback?


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I’ve Only Got Three Nerves Left – And You Are Pinching Two Of Them (Part 9)

(…continued from last week)

You Can Gain

Martin Luther King said, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

When that crabby individual tries to latch on to you with their claws, you need to get hold of you.

Negative feedback, negative input can be really hard to figure-out because you may not have any idea where in the heck it’s coming from, just that it’s happening. Responding with personal control and appropriate rational comments can be very difficult to do at times.

Psychology of Running Your Brain
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The 4 Types of Criticism

There are really only four types of negativity and criticism, of negative input that you may receive from people.

There is 1) non-verbal criticism or negativity, there is 2) indirect criticism or negativity, there’s 3) hostile negativity or criticism, and there is 4) direct negativity and criticism. Let’s look at them one at a time.

Non-Verbal Criticism or Negativity

Criticism can come without any words at all.

The person can simply frown, look away, look disgusted, roll their eyes, tap their fingers, make harrumphing noises, or walk away. This is a very powerful form of communication.

The person can communicate disapproval but doesn’t have to take responsibility for it. After all they haven’t’ really criticized you, have they? Yes, they certainly have. “What do you mean? I didn’t say anything.”

The key to non-verbal criticism or negativity is deniability. The person can deny feeling or thinking or saying anything in particular because they don’t say it directly.

This is designed to control your behavior, it is a manipulation, and by non-verbally communicated disapproval through rolling of eyes, making noises, walking away, being sarcastic, they may be able to get you to agree with them, to drop your quest, and/or to give in to what they want.

And, because they haven’t actually asked you directly for anything, they may feel they don’t owe you anything in return either when you go along with them. After all, you changed your own mind, right?

They didn’t really do anything. You volunteered didn’t you? See? They owe you nothing, it’s deniable. That criticism can come without any words at all and it maneuvers you into doing what someone else wants.

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Indirect Criticism

The second type of criticism is indirect criticism or indirect negativity.

Indirect criticism has some similarity to non-verbal criticism except in some aspects it actually appears in what the person says. Instead of total deniability, there’s less of a deniability factor.

One type of this indirect is seemingly positive. It’s called a ‘backhanded compliment’ – ever heard of those? Here are a few examples:

If someone says to another person, “How brave of you to do a presentation on a topic that you are so unfamiliar with!” Basically they are implying you’re unprepared or you lack knowledge.

I one time heard one woman say to another one this one, “Stripes look so good on you, they make you look so slim.” Implying you’re fat and clothes don’t look good on you.

Another one is, “You know, I really love your innocent, unsophisticated approach to writing a memo.” In this they are implying you’re ignorant about how to do it.

This is the backhanded compliment way of giving you an indirect criticism.

Another indirect criticism is what you’d call an innocent observation. Here the person makes a negative remark about something in general without referring directly to you. It’s meant as an attack, yet they can deny it because of the way it’s said. For instance:

“Well people who vote for that party are just a bunch of idiots…well speaking theoretically of course.” And they may know you belong to that party.

Or “People who work for that group are just a bunch of lazy bums who really couldn’t make in any other kind of position…oh I didn’t mean you, I didn’t mean people around you, it’s just that people in that industry tend to be that way don’t they?”

Or “Managers all live in an ivory tower, they’re really out of touch with their people, they don’t know anything at all…oh by the way, you’re a manager…oh I wasn’t talking about you, I’m talking about managers in general.”

So what they do is they poke you without seeming to do it intentionally.

(to be continued…)


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The Psychology of Running Your Brain
High Achievement, Mind/Body Connectivity and Peace of Mind. Are there things you desire to improve in your life – relationships, health, happiness, money? Do you ever feel like you’re stuck in a negative whirlpool, and feel overwhelmed? Do you want to know how to stimulate whole brain thinking—instead of just using only part of your brain? Would you like to learn a way to rapidly control your mental and emotional reactions when stressed or when change hits? Do you think it would be helpful to know a strategy to better handle negative people? In this program you will learn all this and much more. Master these skills taught by Dr. Larry Iverson in this amazing book, and create a better life for yourself.