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Negative Self-Talk Eliminator


Manipulating And Control Are Not To Your Benefit

The Practice of Happiness
The Dozen Core Components To Creating Abundant Happiness (Part 6 of 14)

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(…continued from last week)

Block: Interrupting Others

Interrupting isn’t just rude, it’s like saying what others are saying doesn’t really matter. “I’m not listening to you so I can say what I want to say.” “I’m not going to listen to you because what I have is more important than what you have.”

When you interrupt people you’re really putting them down. How many times have you been having a conversation with someone and while they’re talking, in your mind something pops up that you’ve just got to say. And you either interrupt them or you really strongly want to interrupt them. What you’ve basically done is stopped listening. Instead of taking in their message then saying “Okay, and here’s another perspective….” Or “Oh really, that’s interesting, and here’s something I’ve thought also.”

Do we do that? No, we interrupt people. We cut them off. We refuse to listen to them because we have this other thing that’s more important. Want people to like you? Listen! You need to be interested, not just interesting.

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Focus on what they’re saying to you, ask questions, be engaged, be involved. They will appreciate you greatly for it because there are so few people who really do that. Attend, do not interrupt..

Block: Whining & Complaining

Another one of those ‘got to let go of’s’ is whining, complaining, griping, bemoaning. Give it up!

Your words have power, especially over you. Whining about your problems, whining about what’s not working, makes you feel worse, does not make you feel better and absolutely does not empower you.

If something’s wrong, don’t sit around whining about it; put effort into making it better. Unless you just whine because people commiserate with you, or you’re whining because it gets you attention, you’re going to eventually have to do something anyhow, so fix it. Quit wasting time, move it now! Get over the whine.

Now sometimes discussing a problem can help you move through it, can help you understand it better and people maybe give you options and ideas you had not come up with yourself. That’s okay, that’s different than just whining for the sake of whining. Don’t just talk about what’s wrong though. Talk about what you could do to make things better. Even if that conversation is only with yourself and only inside of yourself, do that. Quit whining, be proactive, be solution focused.

Do the same with your friends and colleagues as well, don’t just be the shoulder for them to cry on. Though there are times when that’s probably appropriate, but good friends don’t really let friends whine. Friends help friends make their lives better. It’s rather like, “don’t let your friends drive drunk”. This is the same thing–“don’t let your friends whine on you”. It doesn’t help them, it doesn’t really help you, get over the whining and complaining.

Block: Manipulating Others

Another one of those things to overcome is controlling and manipulating. Even if you’re the boss, even if you’re brilliant, even if you’re the head of the organization. What’s the only thing you really, truly can control? You. Right? Your thoughts, your actions, your behaviors.

You need to find yourself not being overly concerned about trying to manipulate and control everybody so they fall in line with what you want. Yes, you may need to give direction. Yes you may need to assist. Yes, you may have to give feedback and some of that may even be harsh feedback. Yet, if you find yourself trying really hard to control other people–you decided that your goals, your dreams, your opinions are so much more important than theirs–you’re going to have problems.

Plus, control at its best, is only short term.

Because to keep control going it often requires you have to use force or fear or authority or some form of pressure or manipulation to keep them moving the way you want. None of those work well long term. Short term yes, but not long term.

We want to find people who want to go to where we want to go, we want to find people who want to work with us, do business with us. They work harder, they have more fun, they create better business, personal relationships and all of you will be happier.

To manipulate and control is not to your benefit. Yes, if you’re the one in charge you need to make decisions, you need to take action. There are times to say “Alright, here’s what we’re going to do!” That is appropriate–sometimes.

But that’s not the only way. That is the old way, and there are times it’s appropriate – in emergency situations, when times are harsh, if something’s going to happen that’s going to really significantly harm oneself, another person, and organization then you probably have to make those kinds of tough decisions. Yet, controlling and manipulating will get in the way of your relationships with others.

(to be continued…)

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Strategies of Influence and Persuasion
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