The Institute for Advanced Developement | Dr. Larry Iverson | Strategies for Success | Creating Exceptional Health, Happiness, Relationships and Wealth
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Negative Self-Talk Eliminator

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How Dare They Say That To Me!

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I’ve Only Got Three Nerves Left – And You Are Pinching Two Of Them (Part 11)

(…continued from last week)

Reactions to Negative Input

In his book Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams said, “A learning experience is one of those things that says, “You know that thing you just did? DON’T DO THAT!!!” ”

The way you react to criticism is one of those “…DON’T DO THAT!” kinds of experiences. But it happens so rapidly, so automatically that it’s almost faster than the speed of light sometimes.
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Dealing with Direct and Indirect Criticism – How Do You Handle Negative Feedback?

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I’ve Only Got Three Nerves Left – And You Are Pinching Two Of Them (Part 10)

(…continued from last week)

Hostile Criticism

The third type of negativity or this negative input you can receive is hostile.

In this case this criticism and negative feedback is encased in aggression. Unlike the non-verbal and the indirect, this aggressive content is very obvious and open.

People may invade your space, they may tower over you, they give you strong negative or hostile looks, they may take on an aggressive posture towards you. They may talk louder, they may attempt to stare you down, it could be something like blaming, “You are terrible, you’re a bungler, you keep blowing this!” Direct hostility.
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How Do You Handle Your Negative Feedback?

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I’ve Only Got Three Nerves Left – And You Are Pinching Two Of Them (Part 9)

(…continued from last week)

You Can Gain

Martin Luther King said, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

When that crabby individual tries to latch on to you with their claws, you need to get hold of you.

Negative feedback, negative input can be really hard to figure-out because you may not have any idea where in the heck it’s coming from, just that it’s happening. Responding with personal control and appropriate rational comments can be very difficult to do at times.
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How You Can Overcome the Four Kinds of Conflict!

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I’ve Only Got Three Nerves Left – And You Are Pinching Two Of Them (Part 8)

(…continued from last week)

The Four Kinds of Conflict

There are four primary kinds of conflict that you can experience with someone: 1) conflict of roles and responsibilities, 2) goals and needs, 3) values and beliefs, and 4) perceptions and point-of-view.

Conflict of roles and responsibilities is about who has the power, who is in authority, who’s territory is this, who has the upper hand, who has the knowledge, what are they trying to do, what is their role in this situation?
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Be Tenacious! Don’t Surrender to Conflict and Criticism!

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I’ve Only Got Three Nerves Left – And You Are Pinching Two Of Them (Part 7)

(…continued from last week)

Person vs. Problem

Another thing you can do is really try and separate the person from the problem. Separate the future from past interactions. Separate positions from interests.

You strive to clarify what’s going on between you and them so that you don’t make them the problem. You don’t link up something that’s happened in the past with what’s coming in the future. You maintain your awareness right here and now.

Strategize

Another thing that is a key to making things begin to work and managing the situation is brainstorming. Brainstorm the potential solutions to the conflict. Listen carefully and see if you can compile as big a list as you can possibly come up with for alternative ways you can manage the situation that works for both you and for them.
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Clear Your Mind and Remain Calm During Conflict and Criticism

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I’ve Only Got Three Nerves Left – And You Are Pinching Two Of Them (Part 6)

(…continued from last week)

Learning In Conflict

What is the only thing in your life that you can truly control? You, right?

This negative input, this rubbing you the wrong way, this pinching your last nerves, can be used as a source of learning. Every single situation you encounter has richness in positive and negative potential.

It can be a source of tangible or intangible gain, inspiration, enlightenment, learning, growth; or that situation can cause rage, fear, shame, entrapment, resistance. The choice is really not up to the people we’re interacting with but it’s up to each of us as individuals and our willingness to face and work through the situation.
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Fear and Frustration Can Lead To Unnecessary Criticism!

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I’ve Only Got Three Nerves Left – And You Are Pinching Two Of Them (Part 5)

(…continued from last week)

Jealousy

Another thing that causes people to criticize, give a hard time, or pinch your few remaining nerves is because they’re jealous.

If someone feels inadequate in some way, criticism is one of the ways that they try to bring people down to their level.

Your critic may be jealous of you. The person who is giving you such a hard time might be trying to restore balance in the situation by bringing you down, thereby supposedly lifting themselves up.
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Don’t Let Your Bad Mood Distort Your Reality!

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I’ve Only Got Three Nerves Left – And You Are Pinching Two Of Them (Part 4)

(…continued from last week)

It’s A Perception Process

Receiving criticism, negative feedback, getting rubbed the wrong way by somebody is absolutely part of life.

Most of us don’t like to be criticized. How’s that for an understatement? But criticism really is almost unavoidable.

The only way you can live a life without criticism ever happening to you is to hide away in a cave, never see another human being or talk to anyone, just stay all by yourself all the time. That’s the only way that you’re never going to receive negativity or negative feedback from someone else.

Criticism can tell us how another person perceives us personally or our team. The difficulty is, this feedback is quite often tinged with the other person’s emotional state. It’s really hard for us to see ourselves and be 100% honest about how we’re doing. So feedback can be helpful.
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