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Negative Self-Talk Eliminator


The Essentials to Dealing with Difficult People and Tough Situations (Part 1)

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Welcome to “The Essentials to Dealing with Difficult People and Tough Situations”.

Conflict is normal, having run-ins with others is normal, unless you live alone, hide away in a cave, never talk with anyone else, you will have conflicts, it’s part of life. Yet how effectively you deal with the conflict situations and difficult people when they come by, is really up to you.

I’m going to give you multiple strategies to help you better deal with those situations you encounter in your life. In every case there’s an emotional response that people get when conflict happens. Quite often the people you deal with are getting some sort of emotional payoff by being negative. How do you take away the emotional payoff they get for being negative? We’ll talk about how to do that.

I’m going to discuss with you how to distance yourself from conflict in another segment. Another one will be about how to catch nonverbal messages you may be giving off, that you don’t even know you are giving, that can trigger the conflict, and how to better observe other people so that those signals they’re giving, you can catch them earlier, so that they don’t lead you into trouble.

I’m also going to talk to you about how to promote change during a conflict for the better resolution of it. Also how to find alternatives so they can break out of the conflict cycle when it arises.

We’ll also look at how to understand the differences in people. There’s really four primary types of individuals you are going to deal with, and if you know how to deal with each of them your life will automatically get easier. I’m going to tell you precisely how to do that. I’m going to give you the eleven sources of power, how you can better build your power when you run into a conflict with someone, and the three ways you can decrease your dependency on other people.

During this multi-segment program you are going to get numerous ideas to benefit you. So let’s get going!

The Payoff for Negative

The strategies we are now going to discuss can make a major difference in every part of your life. Why are people being difficult to deal with? Whether the difficult behavior results from a bad attitude, fear of success or fear of failure, a mistake being discovered, lack of skills, anger, sarcasm, joking with you, sadness or depression, manipulation, or feeling overwhelmed—the reason people behave as they do (good or bad) is because they are going to get a pay-off of some kind.

The pay off may be getting their way, getting attention, getting out of doing a task, being left alone, empathy or sympathy from others, it may give them something to talk about, they might get admiration from someone. This payoff they get will either gain them pleasure or help them avoid pain.

For example, getting angry or behaving in an angry way has a possible payoff that people leave them alone. Or perhaps they feel more power when angry. Perhaps maybe they get sympathy from someone. There are many different reasons why a person would behave in an angry manner towards someone else.

What if someone is behaving in a droopy, sad or glum manner? What are some of the payoffs? It could be a manipulation. Maybe they really are just feeling out of control. Perhaps they are overwhelmed. Maybe they want to be left alone. Perhaps they are trying to get you on their side. Again, there can be many payoffs for why they do that.

It’s An Emotional Response

Being difficult is an emotional response to ones environment. It’s a choice. Does it sometimes just erupt out of nowhere? Well certainly, but it’s the psychological response to ones environment.

There are really only four ways emotions are created. 1) Chemical or hormonal change in the body, 2) damage to the brain in some way or the central nervous system, 3) your self talk and the mental images in your mind, and 4) something happening to your physiology. Between 65%-75% of all emotions are generated by your self talk and your mental focus.

The person who is exhibiting these difficult behaviors is choosing to mentality focus on things that distress them. They are choosing to focus on those things that make them feel more in control of their life – they are trying to gain control back in some way by these behaviors.

Whether you like it or not, if you choose to deal with a difficult person you are in conflict. The difficult person creates a bubble of conflict around them. When you bump into their bubble you become one of the targets for that emotion driven challenging or difficult behavior. We need to find a way to move through it because again there is a pay off behind this for them. Sometimes the payoff is very subtle but the payoff is there so the conflict will continue. Only when the payoff is taken away will that change.

Dr. B.F. Skinner studied this and found that if you want to get rid of a behavior you need to remove the payoff. It’s called an “extinction technique”. Stop the payoff and the behavior discontinues.

In an office if you have someone who is ongoingly negative, griping or whining about things, the reason they do is because they are getting something out of it. Have you ever had to be around somebody who is always negative? How fun is that? For most of us, it’s not very. That person’s whining or gripping or complaining gets them something.

Most of the time people do it because it makes them feel more powerful, and gives them an audience. It gives them something to talk about. Now that seems like a silly reason to be gripping and whining about things but those people who do it often it gives them a connection to other people. So, that negative, gripping behavior you see other people exhibit is getting a payoff. You may not understand what the payoff is but it’s there. So let’s look at some of the pieces of this that have to do with negativity and conflict.

(to be continued…)

Has this program caught your interest? Just can’t wait to hear the next segment? Or perhaps you’d like to download the entire program to your phone or tablet and listen during your travels? You can purchase and immediately receive this entire program as a digital download. You will receive all 8 audio segments, plus a 29 page PDF transcript! Order Now: The Essentials to Dealing with Difficult People and Tough Situations