from Get a Grip! Diffusing Criticism & Negative Feedback Seven years ago, Columbia University conducted a research study to determine characteristics of managers who were able to manage emotional upheavals during tense situations. These men and women had the ability to be highly influential, and manage conflict and negative feedback when it arose quickly and decisively. This meant managing conflict inside of themselves first, then the external one next. This highly interactive workshop on diffusing criticism provides advanced strategies used to handle the negativity that can undermine relationship effectiveness. Adults learn best by a combination of seeing, hearing and doing. Therefore, participants will experience a carefully designed combination of:
Most of us don't like to be criticized. It makes us squirm. It's uncomfortable. Quite often, it feels like you've been bad and have been caught. Criticism tends to make us grouchy and at least a bit hostile toward the person who is criticizing. Criticism is almost unavoidable, however. The only way to live a life without criticism is to hide away in a cave and never see anyone. If you are around other people, sooner or later you're going to receive some criticism or negative feedback. Criticism just tells us how someone else perceives us personally, or our team. (Unfortunately, this is usually tinged with the other person's emotions.) It's hard for us to see ourselves, and be totally honest about how we are doing. We don't know if our work or our messages are having their intended impact. Feedback can help us to understand how we look from the outside. This input from others is like a mirror, showing us to ourselves, from another's perspective. Although this is all very well, there's a problem. Unlike a good mirror, criticism often gives us an inaccurate picture and contains distortions we need to manage.
Every conflictual experience we face in life is rich with positive and negative potential. It can be a source of tangible or intangible gain, inspiration, enlightenment, learning, and growth--or it can trigger rage, fear, shame, entrapment and resistance. The choice is not up to our criticizer, but up to us, and our willingness to face and work through the situation. Facing conflict and maintaining personal control, means giving up the scenario of seeing yourself as a victim or the other person as an enemy. It requires giving up your fear of engaging in honest communication with someone you may distrust, or who is blasting you at that moment. By adding new tools to your toolbox, you can more skillfully confront your critic and problem. You can choose to develop, grow, learn, and become more effective in handling difficulties you encounter. Never let criticism blind-side you again.
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