There are dozens of ways to build rapport and connection with others. I want to talk about one specific aspect—eye contact.

We live in a very diverse world. On any given day you will cross paths with people who grew up in a different country. They speak a different language, have different customs, like different foods, and so on.

You will meet people who have been told all their life to keep their eyes averted and look down, because it is rude to make eye contact. You will meet others who have been told always make sure to look people in the eye so they know you are paying attention. The majority are somewhere between these two.

Here are some statistics researchers have found that works for the majority of people you meet, even those from another culture.

If you look someone in the eye less than 25 percent of the time, they will make one of a few assumptions. They will think either: you are not paying attention to them, you don’t like them, you are afraid, or you have something to hide. These assumptions may not be correct, but most people will believe one of these.

If you look someone in the eye more than 75 percent of the time, they will think you are staring at them. No one likes to be stared at. It triggers nervousness within the person who is being looked at.

Making eye contact about 50 percent of the time is normal. You look at them, you glance away at something, you look back at them, you look at something else, etc. This is how the majority of interactions play out.

If there is one of these eye contact scenarios used more than others, it is looking at people too long. How do you know if you are staring at someone? If you are making eye contact and they look away and then look back and you are still making eye contact, that is okay. If they look away again, and you are still looking at them when they look back this time—you are staring at them.

Then it’s time for you to intentionally break eye contact for a moment. Look away, then look back. Try this as an experiment and notice how less than 25 percent or more than 75 percent eye contact stimulates a very different reaction from the person you are talking with. This simple rapport skill can make a major impact—positive or negative.