(continued from last week…)

Watch All The Signal

There’s a rumor floating around that if you’re talking to someone and they cross their arms it means they are blocking you out or don’t want to hear what you’re saying. That’s not necessarily true. Maybe they’re tired, maybe they’re cold, maybe they’re more comfortable standing that way. Maybe they’re in pain, maybe it’s a habit. Maybe their back hurts and it’s a way to reduce strain. To make the assumption that folded arms always means the other person doesn’t like you or isn’t listening to you or is shutting you out is a generalization that does not work.

When one or two communication signals are focused on and the rest of the signals given are ignored, distorted understanding is usually the result. Even if the other person is standoffish, you may be able to pace them as I did with the VP, and then lead the communications to be more open.

If they are sitting upright and bending forward a bit, doing the same creates rapport. If their head is tilted slightly, pacing their head by tilting yours slightly in the same direction so your eyes stay on the same plane oftentimes builds rapport; though you don’t want to do it at the same second. If they move then you immediately move too, then they move and you move instantly in the same way – that doesn’t work. It’s irritating after a very short while.

Sometimes mismatching the communications can be interesting. An example would be, if you’re talking to someone and you tip your head slightly after you’ve talked for a few minutes and watch, pretty soon his or her head will tip to that side also. It’s a way of keeping eye contact easily; your eyes are on the same horizon.

Once you’ve talked with your head in that position for a couple minutes, then tip your head in the opposite direction. When you do that it will be like your eyes can’t quite meet because they aren’t on the same plane. Notice how you feel when you try to make eye contact like that. It’s strained. It is distant. Your eyes can’t really meet because they are on a different plane, so you don’t feel the eye contact connection.

Normally when you do this, the person you’re interacting with will feel uncomfortable. And at times will feel a bit irritated with you as a result of the eye contact mismatch without even knowing why. This discomfort is especially strong because your heads are tilted in opposite directions. It’s a very subtle, powerful thing.

On the other hand, if their head is tilted and you tilt yours so your eyes can stay on the same horizon on the same level with theirs, it is in sync. It seems more comfortable. It’s matching. This is one of the easiest paces to use to build a connection.

(to be continued…)

Order this article as an AudioBook!

Has this program caught your interest? You can purchase and immediately download this entire 12-part program! It includes a full-length AudioBook file as well as a complete PDF transcript!
Get all 12 segments of this program right now!
Order Now: Communication Dance – Only $9.95

Instant Rapport Building
The Psychology Of Making An Exceptional Person-to-Person Connection. Would understanding the communications that promote goodwill and the communications which turn-off others be of benefit to you? Have you ever lost a customer and wondered how to bring them back? Would knowing the drivers that motivate people to take immediate action help you? Starting today you can apply strategies that boost the connection between you and others’. Psychologist, trainer and author Dr. Larry Iverson will give you proven tactics for improving your communication, diminishing misunderstandings, and building a strong person-to-person connection.