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Do You Seek or Avoid Conflict?

Part 5 of 12 from Communication Dance

(continued from last week…)

Gliding Through Signals

Pacing another’s communication is like a dance. You each take cues from the other person’s signals and you move together. When you are really in sync, it’s fun, it feels great. When the dance is forced or toes are getting stepped on, it’s not so much fun. Tension builds, communication falls out of rhythm and you have a mismatch.

You like people who are most like you. When you share similar interests, values, communication styles, common goals, you feel that fit. No one wants to have disharmony. Would you rather have a disagreement with someone you don’t care about or with someone you greatly respect or love and is important to you? When you care about someone or share a connection you strive to keep harmony, you want the relationship to stay on an even keel; you don’t want to have conflicts. You will often do much more to avoid hassles with someone important to you than you will with someone who is insignificant in your life.

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The phrase “opposites attract” may work great for magnets but it’s not true at all for people. Through having little differences in personality traits or behavior patterns you may add positive qualities, if there is too much difference or tension you may even have full-scale war. Is it really that fun to have someone who is continually confronting you? Probably not.

Even if you’re somebody who doesn’t mind confrontation, even if you love to debate things, too much tension or conflict can ruin your experience. If you say yes and they always disagree and say no, if you want to play golf and they want to go to work, if you want to watch TV and they want to go for a walk, if you want to go out to dinner and they want to stay home and eat soup, if you want to go and have a fun evening with friends and all they wanted to do is just go to sleep, eventually you will tire of it.

If you were with an opposite personality the conflict with them would be never ending. And that for most people is really not all that fun.

(to be continued…)

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