There are six steps to becoming angry.

1. I want my way, or I want something and am not getting it.
2. You/they/it/the situation is stopping/blocking me from getting it.
3. I must have it, or I must have my way!
4. You/they/it/the situation is wrong or bad for not giving me what I want!
5. You deserve to be punished!
6. I’m going to punish you!

If you’ve ever gotten angry, for any reason, you did all six steps.

You can go through the six steps in seconds, minutes, days or longer—and they end with the same result—anger.

The first two only create frustration. You want and aren’t getting it, and something is blocking you. Sounds like real life.

A study done at the University of London concluded that the average person has about twenty frustrations per day, everyday. Most people just deal with them and move on. Yet there is a percentage of the population that nearly always move into anger instead of just stopping at the frustration stage.

Anger begins by making a demand! #3. “I must have it, or I must have my way!” That’s like pounding on the table and demanding you get it. Children (or adults) throwing temper tantrums are here. Mom says, “No candy before dinner.” and Sally throws herself on the floor, kicks her feet, and wails, “You are the meanest mom in the world!!!”

What Sally is really saying (in different words) is, “I want candy. You aren’t giving me candy. I want my way right now!” 1, 2, 3.

Once you get to step three, it is usually a rapid slide through four, five and six. Most of the time it only takes a split second to blast through them all.

After the demand at number three, comes the fourth step—finger pointing and blaming, “You/they/it/the situation is wrong or bad for not giving me what I want!” The angry has picked a target, and guess who that is—you. You now have a bulls-eye painted in the middle of your chest, and they begin shooting at it for all they are worth.

Fifth is, “You deserve to be punished!” and sixth is “I’m going to punish you!” There are many ways of punishing. Have you ever done any of these? Hitting, spanking, throwing stuff, yelling, sabotaging or passive/aggressive behavior, giving them the silent treatment—then you were punishing.

Frustration is normal—but get over the anger. It can ruin your relationships, and has been proven that it can ruin your health too. Handle your brain—you’ll feel better!