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Your Reference Reality

Your beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Dr. Henry Beecher of Harvard Medical School proved that the brain has the ability to override the effects of drugs. The power of belief is absolutely crucial to healing and health. He spent much of his career studying this and how we can make this come alive and use it to heal ourselves and to have medicine work better.

One experiment that Dr. Beecher did was with 100 student volunteers. He had them take two test drugs. One drug was in a red capsule, the other was in a blue. The students were told the red capsules were a super stimulant. You take these and they’re going to wire you right up. The other drug in the blue capsules, were said to be a tranquilizer that would rapidly take you out.

Actually the truth of it was that they were reversed. The red capsule actually was a barbiturate and the blue capsule had amphetamine in it. But the interesting thing that Dr. Beecher noted was that the students reacted as they thought these things were supposed to be, not as they actually were.

In other words, the red capsule which they had been told was a stimulant, was actually a barbiturate. They felt hyper, they felt up, their hearts rates increased, their body sensations got bigger and their brain waves got more excited. Read more »

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Evaluate Your Beliefs

It’s not what occurs around us that makes us who we are, it’s what that experience means to us. It’s the pain or the pleasure. You can have two children, same class, about the same grades, same level of intelligence, doing the same thing. They’re both working hard at their homework and they’re having a tough time.

One says, “I give up, it’s just too hard.” They feel dispirited, down, they quit. The other who’s struggling says, “Well, I’m making a little progress and I’m learning more so this is great. It’s going pretty well I think.”

Or what about two people who want to learn to play the piano. Going through the basics, working on learning what you’re doing, you learn your chords, you learn the progressions, you learn all those things.

But one of them, because it’s too much work, gives up. They quit, they drop out, they don’t go any longer. The other diligently sticks with it, takes the little steps, the little strides, and over years of practice becomes an excellent musician.

See it’s not the piano, it’s not the homework; it’s the way that those individuals interpret the work on the piano or the homework. And the pain or pleasure that they receive from it that either helps them move forward or blocks them. The meaning they associate to their study or the piano practice is what makes the difference. Read more »

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Why Don’t We Change

So if there’s pain why don’t people change? The reason is because they haven’t hit the emotional threshold for pain. There’s a place where it’s no longer tolerable. Where you say never again, I’m not doing this anymore. I’m done with it, I’m through, I’m finished, that’s it, I hit a wall.

For instance have you ever known someone who wanted to quit smoking? Well was it an easy process? For some it is, for most it’s not. Quitting smoking, no matter how much people harp on the person who is smoking, it is not an easy thing to do because until they decide they are going to do it for their own reasons it’s a difficult task. They don’t have enough pain or pleasure to stop the habit because there’s both a chemical and a psychological addiction to it.

What about someone who bites their fingernails? Have you ever known a fingernail biter? Hmm? Well, think about it. There is not enough pain of ugly fingernails or enough pleasure of having your fingernails look normal to stop them from doing it, so they nibble on their fingers.

What about someone who’s a poor public speaker but has to get up in front of people and talk? They’re only going to change those lousy speaking habits when they’ve been embarrassed, when it becomes very intense, when they see a payoff for doing it that’s better than just keep on doing it the same way. There has to be enough pain and pleasure so that they decide, “Okay, I’m gonna learn how to do this. I’m gonna take the time to figure it out and move forward.” Read more »

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Welcome! I’m Dr. Larry Iverson, our topic today is Energize Your Life – Use your Brain for a Change. I’m going to talk about central elements to running your brain more effectively and achieving what you desire easier and faster in the process.

Pleasure & Pain Drivers

A matter of months ago it was reported in the news that four boys, aged 13 to 16, attacked a homeless man while he slept. They beat him so severely he died. On the opposite end of that coin, there’s Mother Teresa of India. She lived her life in such a way that she spent all of her time assisting people in poverty to help them in the situation they were in. To assist the unfortunate, the starving masses.

There’s also people like Donald Trump, who really only thinks about himself versus somebody like Bill Gates, who is spending a significant portion of his and Warren Buffett’s fortune to help eradicate disease and help the entire planet. Read more »

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Power Sources During Negotiation

What are the power factors? The power that person A has over person B, is equal to the dependence person B has on person A.

What are some of the ways you can increase your strength or power in dealing with a difficult person or in a negotiation?

One is that you can use what’s called information power. You know something, or can do something that they want, or you know something or can do something that will change the situation. That’s information power.

Second is people power. You have a team behind you, you have people to share the risk with, you have others with talents or abilities that can help you get accomplished what you want; you steal some of their thunder by having people around you who can assist. Read more »

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Power Sources Within Negotiation

Think of dealing with this difficult person as if it’s a negotiation, because it is. If you’re in conflict, if you’re dealing with a negative attitude, then you are in a negotiation situation. Effective negotiation is not an adversarial relationship or a winner-take all experience. It’s the process of arranging terms with other people, it’s the settling of issues by joint decision-making between you and it’s the exchange of ideas to facilitate change in the relationship or in the situation.

Sir Francis Bacon, in his book Of Negotiating, said, “If you would work any man, you must either know his nature and fashions, and so lead him; or his ends, and so persuade him; or his weakness and disadvantages, and so awe him; or those that have interest in him, and so govern him. In dealing with cunning persons, we must ever consider their ends, to interpret their speeches. And it is good to say little to them, and that which they least look for. In all negotiations of difficulty, a man may not look to sow and reap at once, but must prepare business, and so ripen it by degrees.” Read more »

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The Difference in People

One of the things that we can do to be more effective in dealing with other people is to understand their style. People react differently.

You can say the exact same words in the exact same tone and manner to several people and get many different reactions. To communicate and lead effectively, to deal with another person, to manage a conflict situation or a difficult person, you need to vary your manner to be maximally effective in dealing with different people.

There are four different styles of individuals you’ll deal with. There’s the demanding person, there’s the relationship oriented person, there’s the steady person and there’s the perfectionist. When you’re dealing with a difficult person, no matter what their style is, the better you understand them, the more likely it is you’re going to move through the conflict. So let’s look at each of these styles. Read more »

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Options Do Happen

To deal effectively with a difficult person, we need to be able to observe them and notice what they’re doing. If someone suddenly becomes more difficult, irritable or angrier than usual, it often times is a sign of emotional stress or that something has changed in their world. If that person seems depressed, or angry, or overly sad, in many cases, you may be able to give feedback or be able to talk to them in ways to solve things or at least, at a minimum, calm them down.

Most people become difficult to deal with when they’ve lost the ability to handle the stresses or the changes in their life. Some people flow through change more easily; many have a very difficult time.

There are approximately 30% of the people you’ll encounter who love change, they thrive on it. The rest of the people you deal with have, to some degree, a difficult time as a result of changes they’re going through. Sometimes it can upset their stomach, sometimes it gives them a headache, in some cases it just makes them more grumpy or growly. Read more »