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(…continued from last week)

On The Up Side

An advantage to telling the truth is it builds greater relationships. When you’re honest and let others know what’s going on, it’s going to either enhance the relationship or diminish it.

It simplifies communication. You again, like Twain, don’t have to remember anything because you’re telling your truth. It builds respect with other people when they know who you are and your perspective. Most often, they’ll respect you because of who you are, even if they don’t fully agree with you.

It releases stress. You don’t have to mentally carry a load around. From your honesty you build trust between you and others. And the lessening of stress will give you an automatic boost in energy, from not being mentally bound up.

When you are truthful with other people it gives you a lift. You feel better. It builds your long-term credibility and really facilitates becoming more connected with others. When people know they can say what they need to straight out to you, it greatly simplifies your relationship.

Don’t Over Do

I’d bet you’ve heard people say, ‘Well I was just being honest.’ No you were being blunt, harsh, mean, tactless, etc. The meanness was couched it in being truthful. This is the “velvet hammer” approach.

That’s not what we’re talking about. Telling the truth means you’re letting others know what’s really going on inside of you, and doing it in a positive manner. You don’t have to club them with your honesty.

As I’m sure you’ve experienced, your honesty brings with it more peace of mind. You’re not as worried about what’s going on around you. When you live with integrity you’re no longer stuck. You’re not holding back. You’re being the best you you can be and it makes this moment a unique moment that helps you move on.

The philosopher Sophocles said, “Truth is always the strongest argument and it calms the soul.” When you are truthful and honest, not in a blunt way but in a straightforward way, you’re honoring yourself and them.

You are breaking free by being the best you can be. Make certain you are doing those things that are supporting you and the people around you by taking the risk to be real about your experience.

Acknowledging Is Building

If someone challenges you or gets in your face, what is the toughest thing you can do? It’s to listen. To take the time to break through your own resistance to that negativity and listen.

If they’re saying things you don’t want to hear, if someone is argumentative, if they use harsh or sarcastic tones of voice, does it not have a tendency to push your buttons? Many people get caught up in the drama.

When you respond in a negative manner, the game is on. Arguments can take off in just a moment. A tone of voice, a look on the face, a certain type of word can trigger instantaneous backlash.

My Way or The Highway

A mid-level manager for a large corporation was referred to me for coaching. Her manager referred her because one day all of her employees as a group marched into the senior manager’s office and gave the ultimatum, ‘If you don’t get rid of her we’re going to quit. We’re not going to put up with her negativity any longer. Either she goes or we all go.’

Her boss was shocked. He knew that she had a fairly strong style of managing but didn’t know things had gotten this bad.

The difficulty was the way she gave directions. It was more like getting commands from a drill instructor. Not only that but she always had to be right. If she said something and you didn’t agree with her, the argument was on instantaneously. She didn’t listen to anyone else, she threw up a wall of resistance and automatically commanded you to just do it her way.

Have you ever had a discussion with someone who treats it as if it’s a debate and they have to win it? A person who has to be right all the time, who doesn’t want to hear anybody else’s perspective? How does that feel to you? You need to break through that, and find a way to not automatically go on the defensive.

Getting through that resistance can be a struggle but at the same time it’s a very valuable strategy, it produces good results. To do this though means you have to go into your own resistance and look at it and take time to pause from it.

(to be continued…)

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