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I’ve Only Got Three Nerves Left – And You Are Pinching Two Of Them (Part 5)

(…continued from last week)

Jealousy

Another thing that causes people to criticize, give a hard time, or pinch your few remaining nerves is because they’re jealous.

If someone feels inadequate in some way, criticism is one of the ways that they try to bring people down to their level.

Your critic may be jealous of you. The person who is giving you such a hard time might be trying to restore balance in the situation by bringing you down, thereby supposedly lifting themselves up.

I remember in grad school, one of my fellow students was talking to the teacher about being jealous when people are in love. The teacher looked at him and said, “Jealousy has nothing to do with love. It has to do with hate. It is self-love, and it’s feeling sorry for yourself. It’s trying to manipulate someone else and get them to capitulate to your behavior.”

Jealousy, I agree, has nothing to do with love. It has to do with getting people to stop what they are doing and give in, so the jealous person gets whatever it is that they want.

Competition

Another reason that people oftentimes criticise or give negative input is because of competition.

If someone is competing with you, they may want to impair your confidence, or your performance. If they can slow you down then they might win the race. Negative feedback can be a competitive tactic.

Frustration

Someone may give you criticism and behave negatively toward you or the situation because they are frustrated.

They give negative input, they will rub you the wrong way, and they will try and intentionally push your buttons because they are frustrated and don’t know what to do.

Frustration is about wanting your way and not being able to get it. At that point the anger and frustration together make the messages very unhelpful. People give you this negative feedback, they try and suck away your energy and take you away from your game.

Fear

In some circumstances people criticize because of fear.

They try and beat around the bush at first and finally come out and say something. But you may have to wait a long time to get it.

They are afraid of the negativity that might come back from them being absolutely present.

There was a comedian pretending to have a very hard time giving feedback to another person.

He said, “Well George, your presentation, well…uh I thought it was good, yeah, great, really. Well, I kind of thought it went over well. Um there’s just this tiny little old thing…it wasn’t really worth mentioning. I mean, everything else was so good, I just…I don’t know, I really didn’t want to say anything before your lecture, just in case it threw you off. But…your fly was down the whole time.” I think you’d be better off to go ahead and just say what you need to say instead of waiting on that one.

So again, things that make it so hard to handle when people give you criticism or negativity are because of their mood, unrealistic standards they’re laying on you, control maneuvers and behaviors, perhaps because of their jealousy, maybe they’re in competition with you, or possibly because of frustration, or fear.

No matter what the reason was, you must manage you during it.

These distorters get in the way of you handling what happens around you. How many people do you know that love to be criticized or have people give them a hard time? Every one of us must manage us. Nobody can do that for you, we have to do that always for ourselves.

Basketball coach John Wooden once said, “If you’re not making mistakes and you’re not getting criticized, you’re not doing anything.”

People are going to give you a hard time, take shots at you just because they’re jealous of you, or because you’re doing something and they’re not, or you’re doing something that they wish they were.

Take good care of yourself. You deserve it.

(to be continued…)

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The Psychology Of Nonverbals
Dr. Larry Iverson teaches you the psychology of how you can structure your communications more effectively by understanding the laws of approachability and the psychology of great communications. Armed with this information, you will quickly be able to assess what’s important to the other person and build instant rapport. With the knowledge from this series of programs you will increase your charisma, credibility, and clout. Since your actions will determine how you are perceived: weak or powerful, unsure or confident, insecure or ready to take on the world—don’t leave your communications to chance. In this program you will learn to take control over how others perceive you. Is there any part of your life where being a good communicator or having a great relationship is not important? This program will show you exactly how to be a powerful communicator and get people to like you and your ideas in every situation.