How to Create a Commanding Presence – Strategies for Building Charisma and Connection to Communicate Powerfully and Persuasively – (Part 12 of 16)

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(…continued from last week)

Match Their Style

So when you want to enhance your persuasiveness, when you want to make your presence more engaging, listen to how they talk. The visual person moves more quickly, uses more word pictures, they want less interaction. The auditory moves more slowly and wants more detail. They want more dialogue. The kinesthetic takes that even further. Pay attention, you need to be able to discern the persons’ style so you can match it.

You need to be skillful enough that you can catch which style the person you are dealing with is using. It’s central to being persuasive, to having presence. If you are in front of a group and you are presenting something, giving a speech, a lecture, giving them a report of some kind, you need to use all three styles.

Once, when presenting to a group of attorneys (who are mostly auditory) a half-hour keynote took me nearly an hour and a half! Why? Because they wanted to go into detail on every single point.

It wasn’t that they were arguing with me, they just wanted all of the details. I would say a word or phrase they weren’t familiar with and they wanted me to define what it meant. I had to stop, slow down, break it down, make sure everybody was clear about it. Then they’d nod and say ok I understand. Then I’d make another point, and they’d want to stop and discuss it. They wanted to talk about nearly every point.

Pay attention to the person’s style. If they want more dialogue and more questions and you want to build a case and be more persuasive you need to slow down and take the time to do that.

On the other hand, if they’ve gotten your message and are ready to move on, like the visual, then do that. Attend to your audience. Attend to what’s around you. This makes a huge impact and difference in how you relate. Presence is about making an impact.

Components of Personality

When dealing with another human being there are really three primary components that make up the human personality. They are the internal state, internal computations and external behavior. When they are looking at you they are seeing those things. When you are looking at them you are seeing those things.

Internal State

The internal state is the mood. Your internal state shows on your face. Your internal state shows by how animated or lack of animated you are when you are presenting. Your internal state shows by the way you hold your physiology. Your internal state is the kind of mood you are in.

Most of the time if you want to be influential you need to be up. You need to be more decisive. You need to feel and look and present more like you are in control. Like you are composed, like you are on top of your game, like you’re fully present. It shows.

One of the big pieces of having presence is “being present”. For instance, can you tell if someone is paying attention to you or not when you are talking to them? Most of the time we can because if they are paying attention you can see it. You can see it by the mood they have, by the way they are interacting, by the way they deal with you. The internal state and “being present” in the “now” is crucial to making that connection.

(to be continued…)

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