Excerpt from: Unleash Your Success, Volume 1

The common scenario for most people is to not take personal responsibility for how their life is or isn’t working, and for how they feel. Have you ever heard (or maybe even said), “When they did ________, I felt ________.” (When they yelled, joked, pleaded, I felt, angry, sad, excited.) The idea that they made me feel something disowns personal responsibility for life.

“When Susan yelled she made me mad.”
“During the argument they made me feel small and stupid.”
“Being in Rome made me feel romantic.”
“It made me sad when my friends left.”
“Being with her/him makes me feel loved.”

These are inaccurate statements. People, things, activities don’t make you feel! Your inner representations and body do! A good practice is to ask yourself this question so you take responsibility for your part in how you feel, and get control back.

“When I felt ______, or I acted in ________ way, did he/she/it make me feel this by:

A. Chemically or Hormonally imbalancing me, or
B. Brain damaging me, or
C. Taking control of my mind and making my mental pictures and internal dialogue, or
D. Inhabiting my body or twisting me up into a pretzel and changing my physiology?”

Other people can act positively or negatively toward you, but they DO NOT create your state, unless they: 1. Hormonally imbalance you by feeding you certain foods, or injecting you with hormones, or chemically imbalance you by force feeding you chemicals, drugs, or alcohol. 2. Beat you about the head, neck or shoulders with a blunt object (baseball bat, fists, brick, etc.) and brain damage you. 3. Stick electrodes in your brain and turn the electricity on and off, thereby causing the synapse in your brain to fire generating an unwanted self-talk. or 4. They physically altered you by having you bound with handcuffs and crammed you into a two foot square box then left you in a refrigerator or oven.

If they didn’t do one of these four things to you — the most likely cause of why you feel the way you do is either: A. the mental pictures or inner dialogue you create and focus on (current or memories), or B. the way you are using your physiology.

No one ‘makes’ you feel anything! They can behave better or worse, they can say supportive or defeating types of things—yet these don’t generate your feelings. The majority of the time, what you choose to dwell on or how you interpret what was said or done generates your state.

“Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me”, is a true statement.

Another persons’ perspective doesn’t make you happy, sad, scared or mad. When someone tells you what they like or dislike, they are only presenting their point-of-view. If you feel affected by what they said or did, it’s the result of your choosing to personalize the message. You can learn to run your brain in a way that isn’t affected by the emotional storms another person goes through.

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