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A Time to Remember

Part 2 of 12 from Communication Dance

(continued from last week…)

Rich Moments

I’d like you to take a moment right now to remember a time with a good friend or a family member when you were having an exceptionally good time, a time worth remembering, when you and they felt great and were in sync with one another. Remember that time. How come you were each enjoying that moment so much? What were you doing that was making that experience fulfilling and fun?

The simplest answer is your verbal and non-verbal communication cues matched and your thoughts and mental images about what was happening were in agreement with the visual, auditory, and kinesthetic feeling signals you got from them. You thoroughly enjoyed the time because you felt in alignment with the other person. Your models of a good time fit consciously and unconsciously. The rapport between the two of you was strong.

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Notice that memory. Notice the vivid details. Be aware of how it felt. You are in sync; you are giving and receiving signals that match.

You have multitudes of possible ways of acting and talking about things. The way you joke with another person for instance may seem hilarious to some people, stupid to others, and to a few it would be as irritating as rubbing their skin with sandpaper.

For instance, look at comedian Don Rickles. For 70 years his comedy style was to be sarcastic. He directed his comedic sarcasm at his audience members and at roasts of colleagues he participated in. He achieved this highly entertaining delivery through his facial expressions, his tone of voice, his body language, the timing he used, the pauses, the phrasing, and a blend of nonverbal and verbal communication cues he delivered. Most people thought he put on a highly entertaining show.

Some people he irritated to the “nth degree”. He pushed every button they had. But the majority of people saw him as someone who was very entertaining. He didn’t have to do his routine this way, there were times when he didn’t as a matter of fact. But he liked that style. He chose that delivery the majority of the time and the way he put it out there worked.

(to be continued…)

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