The Institute for Advanced Developement | Dr. Larry Iverson | Strategies for Success | Creating Exceptional Health, Happiness, Relationships and Wealth
Available on Amazon Get it on GooglePlay

Recent Posts

Related Websites:

Claim Your 20 Free Videos!

Claim Your 20 Free Videos!

Sign up to receive 20 videos and a 26 page eBook for FREE! You will learn essential strategies that help you rapidly overcome negative thinking and build an unstoppable positive state-of-mind!

Negative Self-Talk Eliminator


Handle It – Dealing with Criticism and Negative Feedback (Part 6)

Order and download this entire audio program and transcript.

(…continued from last week)

Direct Criticism

The fourth type of criticism is direct criticism. Here the criticism is open and direct without being particularly aggressive. If you are going to receive criticism, this is the best form because they are being honest or straightforward. There is usually no aggression encased in it and they are letting you know what they are seeing, feeling and hearing.

“You made a mistake in the quarterly report.”

“This project summary isn’t well organized.”

“I don’t like your attitude about this.”

“You are making too many demands on me.”

“You need to speed up and step up your productivity.”

“Instant Rapport Building”
Ever lost a customer and wondered how to bring them back?
Learn more »

If someone is criticizing you truly this is the best form to receive. You still need to manage your emotions surrounding this. Use your emotional intelligence. When something happens you have to catch your emotions to be able to manage them so you can move yourself as needed.

Sometimes direct criticism is properly assertive. Sometimes there is an aggressive element to it and it’s too emotional. We need to be able to manage this. Although direct criticism is usually less difficult to deal with than with others, it’s still criticism and you must manage yourself no matter what.

Lao Tzu, the author of the Tao said “He who knows about others may be learned but he who understands himself is intelligent. He who controls others may be powerful but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.”

Responses to Criticism

Criticism is normal. You will receive it. How you manage you in the process of dealing with it though is crucial.

There are many different ways to react to negativity and criticism which is experienced for most of us as a type of threat experience. When we feel threatened, we react. Many of the ways we react to negative feedback are understandable but they can be very counterproductive.

Here are some of the most common responses. Many of these can be related and in many cases you can react in more than one unhelpful way to this same experience.


This is a normal human response. Sometimes the fear is due to the comment itself. For example, maybe it is a fear that we really are not doing our job properly or that things are not going the way we’d hoped or maybe that we are incompetent.

Sometimes the fear is due to the person’s manner. They look so angry, are they going to hit me?

Does this mean I am going to lose my job? Am I ever going to get better at doing this? Have we lost a customer as a result of this? Will my children have problems because of some of the things I have done?

Although fear is perfectly normal, it is worth examining what you are afraid of. Find a way to break through it for greater personal power and improvement of communication.


A second reaction to criticism is anger. This is the most frequent reaction. It’s “How dare you say that to me? You act as if you are perfect, you are not.” This emotion is not really a problem, yet, it can distract you from examining the message.

Think about it, most of the time criticism has at least a kernel of truth inside of it. If we get angry we miss the kernel of truth because we are just reacting to the emotions. We need to find a way to manage the emotional state and manage us more effectively.

Counter Attack

When we feel attacked the first impulse is to attack back. We even feel justified! “Well they did it first! And I am not going to stand for it!” Or “I am entitled to get angry. Did you hear what they said?!?! They started it and I am going to finish it!”

Rather than ending the conflict this usually just makes it worse. A small criticism can escalate into a full scale war. We don’t really want to go there. The best defense is not always the strong offence. Counter attack is not necessarily the best way.

Denial or Blaming

A fourth reaction to criticism, which again is perfectly normal, is denial or blaming. It is very tempting to respond to criticism with a denial or by blaming someone else. “That’s nonsense, I did not make that mistake, they did! This is not my fault, they are the ones who blew it.”

This looks assertive, and in some circumstance it may be appropriate. Yet denial or blaming someone else is a counter attack of sorts. It doesn’t usually help you nor clarify the issues with the person you are talking to.

It is so tempting to defend yourself. Sometimes in circumstances it may be appropriate. Self defense however puts us in a bad position. It puts the other person often times in a position of judge and jury over us and can turn you into a doormat. “But I didn’t really do too badly yesterday did I?” Once you’ve offered your defense, who has the power? They do, they are judging you. The other person does because they determine whether your defense is good enough. Maybe it is, maybe it’s not.

(to be continued…)

Has this program caught your interest? Just can’t wait to hear the next segment? Or perhaps you’d like to download the entire program to your phone or tablet and listen during your travels? You can purchase and immediately receive this entire program as a digital download. Order Now: Dealing with Criticism

Instant Rapport Building
The Psychology Of Making An Exceptional Person-to-Person Connection! Learn to control and master any conflict! Join a #1 bestselling author and an internationally published psychologist in an entertaining look at successfully dealing with intimidating personality types. Get prepared for crucial conversations with the top seven personality types and learn how successful leaders deal with their challenges. Mastery in dealing with difficult people and tense situations is a learned skill, and through this program you will learn techniques that will allow you to easily and rapidly handle interpersonal communications issues. This knowledge will help you gain a leadership edge and stay in control during high stakes communications with every personality type.