How to Create a Commanding Presence – Strategies for Building Charisma and Connection to Communicate Powerfully and Persuasively – (Part 16 of 16)

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(…continued from last week)

Credibility & Charisma Applied

My son Nick had a friend trying to get a job. She had been on many interviews and everyone seemed to like her. She said that during the interviews they went so well, that after it they would want to buy her lunch, take her out for cocktails, take her out to dinner, go on walks, whatever. She had these great interviews and everybody really liked her, but she didn’t get even one job offer.

I was coaching my son on using all these same skills we have been talking about during this program, and we were specifically at the part talking about credibility and approachability.

She said, “That’s what it is! I’m always approachable. People love me. I’m a friendly wonderful person. But I guess obviously they must not believe me that much.”

She said she had a job interview the next day that she really wanted but wasn’t a chance she’d get the job. It was working for the state and was a very high powered position where they wanted many years of experience. She said, “I don’t have a chance. I just got out of college. I’m trying to get my first real job, so there’s no way I’ll get this job.”
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How to Create a Commanding Presence – Strategies for Building Charisma and Connection to Communicate Powerfully and Persuasively – (Part 15 of 16)

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Presence & Credibility – Movement

Let’s talk about credible and approachable body movements.

If you want to be more credible, again, when you are standing your head is erect. You’re not moving much. When you are talking to someone as your head is erect, if they make a point, you nod once only, as acknowledgment. Your chin drops, your head goes down, one brief nod. If a general is receiving a message, they are still, and nod once to acknowledge they got the message. They aren’t nodding and bobbing their head repeatedly.

When you gesture for credibility, you gesture straight out ahead of you with one hand or both hands. You are gesturing straight out and normally it is palm down.

As you are doing this palm out and down gesture, whether your hand is open or closed more into a fist, whether you have one finger or a couple fingers pointing, or whether it like a knuckle sticking out, when you have your hand in front of you if you want to have more credibility with that gesture, have your palm down.
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How to Create a Commanding Presence – Strategies for Building Charisma and Connection to Communicate Powerfully and Persuasively – (Part 14 of 16)

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Being Credible or Being Approachable

A major component of having a powerful presence is having credibility, or approachability and being charismatic. Being credible or being approachable.

You can be credible and believable, or you can be charismatic, approachable and likable. But you cannot use the skills of credibility at the same time you’re using the skills of likability and charisma. If you do people will think you are either lying to them or you’re trying to con them. You can move back and forth between them fairly quickly but you cannot do them at the same time.

One of our US presidents got in trouble with the media again and again because he would have this tough message to deliver, but while he was doing it he was grinning at the camera and acting like a good old boy. It did not work. You need to watch out for that as well.
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How to Create a Commanding Presence – Strategies for Building Charisma and Connection to Communicate Powerfully and Persuasively – (Part 13 of 16)

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Internal Computations

Your internal computations are the self-talk inside of your head and the self-talk inside of the other person’s head. What are you thinking, what are you telling yourself? Is it positive? Is it negative? It shows; watch what your internal dialogue is.

You need to get a handle on what’s going on inside of your head because if you don’t manage that, especially if you are presenting or interacting with someone else and trying to create presence, it can pull the props right out from under you and the presentation.
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How to Create a Commanding Presence – Strategies for Building Charisma and Connection to Communicate Powerfully and Persuasively – (Part 12 of 16)

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Match Their Style

So when you want to enhance your persuasiveness, when you want to make your presence more engaging, listen to how they talk. The visual person moves more quickly, uses more word pictures, they want less interaction. The auditory moves more slowly and wants more detail. They want more dialogue. The kinesthetic takes that even further. Pay attention, you need to be able to discern the persons’ style so you can match it.

You need to be skillful enough that you can catch which style the person you are dealing with is using. It’s central to being persuasive, to having presence. If you are in front of a group and you are presenting something, giving a speech, a lecture, giving them a report of some kind, you need to use all three styles.
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How to Create a Commanding Presence – Strategies for Building Charisma and Connection to Communicate Powerfully and Persuasively – (Part 11 of 16)

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One of the biggest challenges for dealing with people is matching the communication styles. Remember 70% of the population is visual, 20% are auditory and 10% are kinesthetic or feeling oriented. When you are communicating with others, whether it’s one on one or in a group, you need to make certain that you are touching bases with all of them. That you are using those styles effectively. Let’s talk about how you do that to enhance your persuasiveness.

The Visual Person

If you are dealing with someone who is highly visual you need to move through things more quickly. You move fast, you don’t stop, you don’t pause. It is a much more rapid movement. You’re working on big pictures. You’re talking about words in such a way that they create an image.
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How to Create a Commanding Presence – Strategies for Building Charisma and Connection to Communicate Powerfully and Persuasively – (Part 10 of 16)

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How to Improve Your NonVerbal Communication, Part IV

The seventh is physical contact. If you are a toucher that’s ok, but watch out. There are people out there you are liable to walk up to and give one of those bear hugs, who is not ready for you. Watch out what you do.

Ever heard of sexual harassment? Pay attention when shaking hands with someone there are people out there who a hand shake is too much physical contact. So if they stick their hand out to shake hands with you, for you to grab their hand and hold it for two or three minutes is a little much. Watch what you are doing.

The physical contact, the touch on the shoulder or arm or handshake, watch how you do that. It’s sends a message and you can overdo it. This goes back to space and proximity. Am I too close, am I too far away? What’s appropriate? You need to think about the situation and what’s appropriate. Watch the physical contact.

Tone Of Voice

Another of the dimensions of nonverbal communication is tone of voice.
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