The Institute for Advanced Developement | Dr. Larry Iverson | Strategies for Success | Creating Exceptional Health, Happiness, Relationships and Wealth
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Negative Self-Talk Eliminator


Do You Seek or Avoid Conflict?

Part 5 of 12 from Communication Dance

(continued from last week…)

Gliding Through Signals

Pacing another’s communication is like a dance. You each take cues from the other person’s signals and you move together. When you are really in sync, it’s fun, it feels great. When the dance is forced or toes are getting stepped on, it’s not so much fun. Tension builds, communication falls out of rhythm and you have a mismatch.

You like people who are most like you. When you share similar interests, values, communication styles, common goals, you feel that fit. No one wants to have disharmony. Would you rather have a disagreement with someone you don’t care about or with someone you greatly respect or love and is important to you? When you care about someone or share a connection you strive to keep harmony, you want the relationship to stay on an even keel; you don’t want to have conflicts. You will often do much more to avoid hassles with someone important to you than you will with someone who is insignificant in your life. Read more »

Do You Communicate Effectivly?

Part 4 of 12 from Communication Dance

(continued from last week…)

The Pacing Flow

When you have rapport with a friend or co-worker it’s because you’re matching in their communication style. One of the most complex parts of this is pacing. The more you fit in with them, the more you are like their delivery style, the more you feel the connection with them. Pacing is a key to life relationships that begins to unleash your success on many levels. Read more »

The Law of Requisite Variety

Part 3 of 12 from Communication Dance

(continued from last week…)

Options Make Life Easier

Remember the mathematical principle, the Law of Requisite Variety? It says “The part of system with the most options will control the system.” Not might control the system, not could control the system, “will” control the system.

For instance, what’s the most complex part of a car and is also the part of the car to most likely have trouble? It’s the engine, right? How come? The part of the machine with the most moving parts is the place that has the highest complexity and in this case has the most influence over the system. That part is also the most likely one to break down first because there are more ways it can break down. Read more »

A Time to Remember

Part 2 of 12 from Communication Dance

(continued from last week…)

Rich Moments

I’d like you to take a moment right now to remember a time with a good friend or a family member when you were having an exceptionally good time, a time worth remembering, when you and they felt great and were in sync with one another. Remember that time. How come you were each enjoying that moment so much? What were you doing that was making that experience fulfilling and fun?

The simplest answer is your verbal and non-verbal communication cues matched and your thoughts and mental images about what was happening were in agreement with the visual, auditory, and kinesthetic feeling signals you got from them. You thoroughly enjoyed the time because you felt in alignment with the other person. Your models of a good time fit consciously and unconsciously. The rapport between the two of you was strong. Read more »

Wishing And Hoping Will Not Put Food On Your Table

Part 1 of 12 from Communication Dance

(continued from last week…)

There is no such thing as perfection, but there is mastery. There are no flawless diamonds, there is no exact, perfect performance. Mastery comes from taking action, noticing results – good or bad, planning out a new course of action, then going forward again.

Wishing and hoping will not put food on your table, improve your relationships, or help you achieve your dreams. Anyone who tells you that you can achieve great things without effort is lying to you. All achievements, all mastery is a result of focused attention and experimentation. You have to get in there and do something. You have to open your mind and be ready to experiment and change.

You don’t have to start from scratch. There are exceptional models for accomplishing just about anything. You can be, you can do, and you can have whatever you desire and are willing to create for yourself. Read more »

Look At Your Partner With New Eyes

Part 14 of 14 from Communication Essentials

(continued from last week…)

Look at Them with New Eyes

Tip number fifteen, look at that person with new eyes. Look at that person every day and think of something about them that you like, love, or admire. Even in the toughest times, even if you’ve been doing battle, remember something about them that you appreciate.

Stop for a moment and quit dwelling on the negative, and focus on the good things about that person, what brought you together with them to begin with? It can lighten things enough that your communications improve. It makes it so that you each are getting more and feel more rewarded by that moment.

Think good things about them whether things are good, whether things are tough, every single day at least once, take two or three or five minutes and mentally picture that person. See them happy. Think about a time perhaps when the two of you had a great time and as you focus on that moment, it makes you feel good about them. Read more »

Where Is Your Sense Of Humor?

Part 13 of 14 from Communication Essentials

(continued from last week…)

Maintain a Sense of Humor

Tip number thirteen is maintain a sense of humor. Try and keep it light. Things are not always heavy. You don’t always have to be working on the relationship. If it’s too much work, it will fall apart.

People have a tendency to get heated up during discussions and they forget they’re talking to another person or person they love. We need to lighten it up a bit, back off just a bit. Now that doesn’t mean everything’s a joke, but at the same time don’t make everything work.

Relationships need to flow a bit and they need to be somewhat easy. If all you do is conflict and have to talk about all the heavy stuff, you will wear out your relationship. Just because you’re discussing an important topic doesn’t mean you have to be so serious. It also doesn’t mean you want to make a joke out of it but you also don’t have to be so heavy. Read more »

What Is Your Partner Really Asking For?

Part 12 of 14 from Communication Essentials

(continued from last week…)

Hear the “Please” in the Message

Relationship communication hint number eleven is we need to make an effort to hear the “please” behind our partner’s requests or statements. Even if your partner is yelling at you, they want something. It may not be the kindest plea you’ve ever heard, but what they’re doing is saying, “I really want this. Please hear me. Please do this. I want you to do something different than you’re doing.”

We need to try and look at their communications from that perspective. Try and hear the “please” in the words even if they’re not nice, even if there are communication conflicts and breakdowns. Try and hear the “please,” because if they are making the request of you, even if it’s strongly voiced, there’s a please there. Read more »