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Negative Self-Talk Eliminator

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Try Not To Get Defensive

Part 6 of 14 from Communication Essentials

(continued from last week…)

Who has the Concern?

Relationship communication tip number five is that we need to focus on the person who is having the concern whether that is you or whether that is them. If it’s you, you need to slow down and take the time, organize your thoughts, find if this is an appropriate time and then communicate effectively.

But if they have a concern – if your partner accuses you of something, if they get upset by something you’ve done, we often automatically become defensive and feel like we have to explain our side of it. This is how we see it. This is why we did what we did. This is how come things are the way they are now. Read more »




Be Open To Other Perspectives

Part 5 of 14 from Communication Essentials

(continued from last week…)

More Than One Perspective

Tip number four would be that we need to watch out not to confront our mate with preset judgments or opinions that say they are wrong or at fault. There is more than one perspective on something and to automatically jump in and say that the way they see things is incorrect may not be the best strategy.

If you confront that person because you think he or she is at fault and you happen to be mistaken and you’ve done it in an aggressive or unkind manner, both of you lose. You will bear that burden, you’ll bear that pain for a long time. Read more »




Can We Talk About This Later?

Part 4 of 14 from Communication Essentials

(continued from last week…)

The Appropriate Time

A third tip for building a great relationship and improving your communications is don’t bring up important issues during rushed, stressful or inappropriate times of day. Does that happen? Oh yes, but we need to slow down. If it’s important enough to talk about and something that is really essential to us, we need to take time and do it during an appropriate time.

It’s a great practice to voice what’s going on with you and talk about what’s happening inside and how you feel about something when it comes up, yet if you have an emotionally charged issue, something you just need to get out and discuss, it’s best to wait until you both have time to sit down, talk about it and think through it. Read more »




Friendship Before Loveship

Part 3 of 14 from Communication Essentials

(continued from last week…)

Relationship communication tip number two is that we need to put our friendship before our loveship. Friends put each other first while those who often times have love relationships or sexual relationships sometimes develop those without really developing a true friendship first. So when we take the time to slow down and be a friend to the other person, it deepens the relationship and allows us to have even a more fulfilling experience of that relationship.

Do unto others as you would have people do unto you is sage advice. So is do unto others as they would like to be done unto. You treat your friends the way they want to be treated. You take good care of them. You share with them. Read more »




Reply, Don’t Just React

Part 2 of 14 from Communication Essentials

(continued from last week…)

Also what we need to do if someone does have a request of us is to reply to them rather than to react to them. Replying is softer and yet still direct. Just reacting is a common cause of communication breakdowns and misunderstandings.

A reaction often times is a verbal or nonverbal, off the top gut response. It is an indirect attempt to show somebody how we’re thinking or feeling without first giving it any conscious thought. That immediate reaction can be a good thing if the input is needed immediately. Yet the lack of forethought prior to communicating can be an issue. Read more »




What Do You Need To Have A Healthy Relationship?

Part 1 of 14 from Communication Essentials

In graduate school I took a course on Couples Therapy. One of the questions that our professor asked right in the very beginning of the program was, “What is the most important thing that a couple needs in order to have a sound, long-lasting, healthy relationship?”

There were many answers – love, truthfulness, passion, great sex, hope, being kind to one another, doing for the other person, being helpful, talking and open communications, touching them, anticipating the needs of the other person, the answers went on and on. Read more »




How To Stop Worry From Stopping You

Part 10 of 10 from The Heart of Winning!

(continued from last week…)

Worry is painful over-concern that is bad for your health, hard on your finances, and tough on your relationships. It’s the misuse of your imagination. It is putting your brain to work making you feel bad. Worry is a form of negative self-talk, it’s “what-ifing” things. Those what-if’s can scare you terribly and stop you dead in your tracks.

Worry is the result of projecting bad things that might occur, using our imaginations to create bad things. Think about that, the only reality is that there are possibilities out there; there are good possibilities and bad possibilities. You need to think about how things may go wrong. You need to think about what you can do to make things go right, but staying focused on why things are not going to work and bad things will defeat you more than anything else.
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How Do You Acquire Wisdom?

Part 9 of 10 from The Heart of Winning!

(continued from last week…)

It’s important that your advisor, mentor, or coach be a good listener. They need to be an encourager, but they also need to be a good listener and participate actively by listening to what you say and sifting through your words and your ideas so that they can help you to come up with something of benefit.

Great advisors make good decisions, they make good choices because they have wisdom behind them. They have gained this through experience and through knowledge and from listening to other people. How do you acquire wisdom? How does it work in decisions? Wisdom is acquired by gaining knowledge and learning to apply that knowledge to your life, to your routine, to your experience. Those events help you gain wisdom on how you want to act. People who are good decision makers have the ability to test the information, filter out the parts that are not true or don’t work, and then apply it in the ways that are beneficial to them and to those who depend on them. Find someone who is decisive.
Read more »